Too Much

Too many headaches
Too many anxiety attacks
Too much depression
Too much frustration
Too little communication
Too little passion
Too many missed days

It's Been Awhile

I haven't posted in some time because I haven't felt like it. The depression and anxiety are increasing daily and it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. When I'm not at work, which I hate, I'm sleeping. As such, my family suffers. The colors of the world are morphing into a dull gray and under the weight of life things seem much brighter on the other side.

I Have Nothing Left to Fear

My first week back on the job was far more successful then I could have ever hoped for. I find, that unlike last yer, I am looking forward to the start of the new school year. I haven't any feelings of dread or anxiety. Rather, I'm filled with anticipation like I have not felt since my first year of teaching. I also received my first pay check in nearly a year. I do believe my wife was more excited than I was. Really, who can blame her with all she has done for me over the past year. That check, a simple slip of paper, gave me a feeling of pride that I haven't felt in a very long time. In short, dear reader, the week was a great one. To conclude, I realized that with all of the horrors I've experienced over the past year and survived there is truly nothing left for me to fear.  

Sweetwife

I have the greatest wife ever!

Sweet

Dear reader I was ripped off today. That's always pleasant.

There it Goes Again

Disappointment, dear reader, is a terrible thing especially when you put so much emotion into that which ends up leading to your disappointment. It is best to keep one's hopes to one's self until such a time arises that one can see those hopes to fruition. Don't ask and you won't be let down. Never ask for something that you truly want. Rather,get what you really want and don't wait on others to get it for you. More often than not, it seems, people are far better at letting you down then one would think. Is it such a terrible thing to want? To muster up the courage to ask for something? Is this too a sin? It would seem so dear reader, it would seem so.

Day Two

Yesterday went far better than I could have hoped for. Today is a question mark thus far. That I've been awake since 2:45 am does not bode well for the long day ahead. Still, I'm trying to view the changes in my teaching schedule as not nerve racking and burdensome. Rather, I must view them as exciting new challenges and opportunities. If the new program lives up to its advanced billing and can produce the dramatic changes it claims I may finally be able to see the results that I've always expected to see as a teacher. I teach because I wish to improve the lives of my students and therefore improve my community as well. I may now be able to do just that. Now, dear reader, we need only make through the next13 hours or so and we can deem this day a success as well. 

One day down

I made it dear reader. I made it.

Into the Breach

I'm to return to work today. I awoke at 5:00 in a panic, my breathing was rapid and I was quickly heading for a panic attack. The I began to think about the true reason I left work those 11 months ago. It wasn't the anxiety or mild agoraphobia that forced me out. Rather, it was the depression. I told myself this a few times and began to feel better. The depression has lifted significantly and only my administrators know why I left. If it wasn't the anxiety then I have no reason to feel anxious this morning. I must view today as a fresh start. I must relinquish my memories of these 11 months to the past and look only towards the future. I am truly the only one standing between myself and a successful return. In honor of great cliches, dear reader, I say today is certainly the first day of the rest of my life.